Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
