I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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