I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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