it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
