I heard we made out
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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