i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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