i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
