I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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