she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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