and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
