I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
