No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
