so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
FUCK WHALES
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