I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
