i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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