Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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