the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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