There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
