he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize