I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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