i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
