i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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