you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
