In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize