"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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