also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
