dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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