I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize