the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
