I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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