You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
