its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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