i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
