I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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