I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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