you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize