AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
