Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
