My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
