i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
