Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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