she woke up with a sticky ear
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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