i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
