hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
