He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
