How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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