kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
