barbara walters just said penis...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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