Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize