I didn't shave. On purpose
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my shit smells like andre
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
