the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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