If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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