I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
