OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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