Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
