I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
