omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
