I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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