I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
