there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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