Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
