i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize