My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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