Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
