he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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