her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
