First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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