Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
