he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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